Funky Sexy Manifesto #27 Pull the Cancer Card

Okay folks, I never expected to resort to it but I pulled the cancer card. I know, I know... desperate situations call for desperate measures.

According to Kris Carr in Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips (which I review here), in Chapter 5 Go Ahead-- Use the Cancer Card, she writes:

"Though it sucks that you have cancer (and we're very sorry about that), membership to this ever-growing club does come with its perks. Your Cancer Card provides you with oodles of mileage points and has no expiration date. It's an I'm-human card, and like it or not you can't do it all; every now and then you need a treat."

Pulling the Cancer Card makes you "automatically become a VIP, top-priority client".

I need to rest. I have cancer.

Don't dump your garbage on me. I have cancer!

I regret to inform you that due to cancer, I will not be able to attend your party.

I can't come to work today. I have cancer (plus I'll miss Oprah).

I have to cut this conversation short (you toxic blabbermouth), I'm not feeling so hot. (A subtle way of saying The cancer is acting up.)

So this is how I used my Cancer Card. In May 2010, I was driving home from work and descended a hill... I was going about 20 km over the speed limit. I instantly was stopped by a police officer and summoned onto a side street. (And no, he wasn't as cute as the officer in this photo. Mm...hmm...) What could I say? Yes, I know cars tend to accelerate as they go down a hill but there was no excuse. I was caught red-handed.

I wished to challenge the ticket in court and was given a court date sometime around March 2011.

Then along came cancer.

Receiving my diagnosis in November 2010 and surgery January 2011, it seemed that I didn't know that I had missed my court date until the night before my radioactive iodine (RAI) in April 2011 when I read that my license had been suspended for failure to appear. Read about this here.

After four days in RAI, I went to the municipal court offices to explain that I missed my date and the reason I provided was: cancer treatment.

Well technically, I wasn't receiving any treatment other than recovering from surgery and "being hypo" which is basically like intoxicated for a period extending two weeks... I felt exhausted, "out of it", and frankly logistics like going to traffic court was not even on the radar.

But something interesting happened. It seemed that when I said cancer, I was excused immediately and given a new court date. I asked if the administrators and officials wished to see medical documents or any proof of my cancer but they said "no". They didn't even mind. I was impressed that the "cancer card" worked. I felt so elated that I did not let the assh*le who was heckling me in line for "taking too long" to speak to the staff bother me. (Okay maybe, he bothered me a little. At least I didn't leave without "greeting him" with a few "celebratory" words of my own.)

So the postponed court date was yesterday.

I stood in the courtroom, probably the youngest in attendance. There were a lot more men than women and some who reminded me of my dad.

I was the second defendant called to the front and I was going to "plead to a lesser charge" (I have had some practice at traffic court before). However, I don't know the court terminology, the bailiff (?), an assertive woman wearing a hijab (I love it), said that the officer was not in attendance so I was acquitted. I was free to leave. No charge.

Yippeee!!!!

A Black man in the courtroom gave me "the nod". I grinned and nodded right back.

I love when the court justice system works.

For another court case of a different matter, click here.

By the way, I'm not endorsing speeding.