Changes

Some things have changed for me. Big time.

1. Absence I have not written on my blog in months. Three months. I continue to write daily but in my journal instead. This daily practice has meant the world to me, giving me quiet, solace, space, and time during my day to reflect, get centred and also escape. I think some of the absence is related to the need for me to keep my thoughts contained, own my thoughts, and in writing on the internet, blogging, you share your thoughts, you give them away... Nonetheless, I am thrilled to know that my Blue Butterfly blog still continues to be read by many and hit 100, 000 pageviews in October. I will share my thoughts as I am ready.

2. Loss I am not as involved in a lot of cancer- and thyroid-cancer related activities. Right now, I feel like I need a break. Today, I just learned a fifth young person who I met through young adult cancer circles has past away. I only spoke to Naomi Baker on a few occasions at the YACC Conference in 2011. I since learned that Naomi is an artist, she has two Mater's degrees, and she was also a teacher like me. She also had this calm spirit about her. Maybe it was the Kris Carr-inspired Crazy, Sexy, Cancer life that she lived. (Naomi shared with me that she attended a retreat with Kris and spent time speaking with her. Naomi promised to connect me with some interesting lectures that Kris did but I never pursued it.)

I felt sad, hurt, and disgusted when I discovered this news. Why is she gone? Like me, she got married this year seemingly suggesting that she had many more years to live. I know she was sick but it doesn't seem fair. Part of me almost wish I didn't meet her, so I do not feel a sense of loss. I know that sounds selfish, doesn't it? Rest in peace Naomi. These losses from the young adult cancer community has been something I think contributed to distancing myself from the cancer groups. In April, I lost a friend to stomach cancer-- her name is Agnes Kwasnicka.

Agnes Kwasnicka, Dr. Kwasnicka, was only 35 years old when she passed away. I met Agnes and her partner Greg through a Toronto Vegetarian Association (TVA) event called the Compassionate Marketplace. Agnes and Greg were volunteering at the registration table and signed me up as a member. Agnes recognized my name when she saw it written down because she had visited this blog. Like me, she was a vegan and as we talked, I learned that she was also a cancer survivor. I still feel a lot of sadness with the passing of Agnes. In fact, I had not written about it on this blog until today. It was too hard. Today, I went to dinner with two of my friends at Fresh. As we took our seats, I realized that I was sitting down at the very booth where I last sat with Agnes. It was about a year ago when I went to Fresh for brunch with her and some of the young adults we met in the cancer community. This was the last time I saw her before she moved out west to be closer to family to spend her last days. Agnes was my friend for a few reasons. She attended my positive prognosis by attending my Celebration of Life fundraising picnic. I am still amazed that she celebrated this day with me, that day I thought I was "cured" based on what my endocrinologist, Endo #4, told me, but technically I was (and still am) in remission which is not a word that thyroid cancer doctors seem to use as is done with other cancers. (In November this year, at the follow-up after my September scan, my new Endo, Endo #5, told me I am "low risk of recurrence" and require "annual follow-up".) As a doctor, Agnes would have known that I will most likely be cured and live a very normal life post-thyroid cancer. She would have also known very well the course her own disease would take. Her prognosis was not positive like mine yet she came out to my potluck picnic with her partner Greg, their two dogs, and a vegan dish in tow. She came. She came to celebrate with me. How selfless!

Agnes also made an extra effort to include me in activities with other young adult cancer survivors. She was wise, thoughtful, and intelligent and I wished so much that I had contacted her when she first moved away. She moved away in January, by February I thought about her and sent her a card in March. When she did not respond to my e-mails and I read her blog with updates, I had a feeling that things were not looking good. Greg had indicated that she was not able to respond to the e-mails but that he could share them with her. I felt silly sending e-mails to Agnes about my upcoming wedding and the plans and seemingly trivial questions. I desperately hoped to communicate with her but it wasn't long before I got the news that she was gone. After her passing, I attended a dinner with a few friends of Agnes from the young adult cancer community. I had a hole inside and I wanted to find others who knew her and could relate. (I had already lost my Uncle C (Horace) just a few weeks prior. Uncle C passed away suddenly on a visit to Jamaica just a few months before our wedding which he was supposed to attend. My husband and I missed him so much.) I attended a memorial for Agnes at Wellspring. In October, I also attended a memorial organized by Greg at St. Michael's Hospital to launch a scholarship in her memory where I was asked to say a few words. Ironically, I knew Agnes in the "cancer world" as a fellow survivor yet many in the "vegan/vegetarian" world, one that I was new to but she and Greg belonged to for many years, did not know she was ill at all. She was such a dedicated volunteer to this cause. Here is an article written by a TVA staff member of the Toronto Vegetarian Association. In her last years, Agnes focused on her life, people, her husband, her family and her activism. I once asked her what she wanted her funeral to be like. She told me she doesn't want to think about that. She focuses on living. At the Wellspring memorial, I dedicated a song Greg asked me to share with other young adult cancer survivors who wished to remember Agnes. It was a song that Agnes requested to have played at her funeral. The time that I knew Agnes was very short, not even a year, but it had a huge impact on my life. The stories about Agnes I hear from others who knew her, she sounds mouthy and "punk rock" and fiercely vegan. (A lot of the young cancer survivors I have met are kind of "punk rock".) I would have loved to get to know her better.

3. Work The third thing that changed for me is returning to work full-time. What a huge change! I didn't think I would last 6+ hours each day teaching up to nine classes and 200+ student again but I made it through the last four months with a totally new teaching assignment. I am teaching Music and French from kindergarten to Grade 8. It's quite a challenge. At the end of the teaching day, I am exhausted. There isn't much energy for anything else which brings me to...

4. My Introverted Nature I am such an introvert. I realize now that I have always been an introvert. As a child, I used to prefer staying in at recess so that I could finish my art projects. Or if I did go out for recess, I would read books or share the books that I made with other kids or hang out with one or two friends. I was a bit of a loner and even if others didn't see me that way, I identified with being a loner. Now in my adult years, post-cancer, I realize that I especially crave the quiet spaces and times that I had during the months of recovery/healing time after surgery. During this time, I would spend hours journaling, blogging, meditating, doing yoga, and reading. During my four day radioactive isolation in 2011, I sketched pictures and journalled lots. Now, I am two years after my diagnosis and I am still trying to make meaning of this introverted nature that feels even stronger. Part of me is scared, terrified by the fact that I am more clearly aware than ever before that life is short and I am even more reflective and introspective than before. I treasure my life and think often about how to make it more fulfilling and happy. It is a bit of a contradiction for me since I have done so many extraverted things in my life and love performing and being in front of an audience. I think I figured out how to function much better now in a world where extraverts get ahead, rewarded, and acknowledged. At heart, I don't follow the crowd and stand a part from the pack.

5. I'm a Writer... I'm a Writer... I'm a Writer I'm a writer and as of late, I have been having these insistent thoughts that I must write a lot more than I have before. A few weeks ago, I woke up at 2:30am on a worknight with the urge to write. The urge was so strong and would not leave me and so I got up and started to write. Another night, I could not sleep after reading a list of African-Canadian children's books written since 2000. The list had twenty books and was very narrow in topical focus, mostly about slavery and the Underground Railroad. Most of the writers weren't African-Canadian. I wondered who would write the books for African-Canadian children now? I couldn't sleep with that thought and lay awake for hours as my mind raced. I want to write but I've got to eat. I have had a few conversations with writers lately and some encouraged me to pursue this passion and it's still to come. My frustration is that I lack energy and time at the end of an intense workday to start working on my books. So recently, I decided to take my eyes off another Master of Fine Arts (MFA) in Writing for Children program at the Vermont College of Fine Arts just long enough to acknowledge what I feel that I need. (I applied to UBC's MFA in Creative Writing program in 2011.) I also need to journal every morning (and sometimes evening) or else the day just does not seem right.

So I've ordered every book from the library about writing and illustrating for children. I need a mentor!!! I need a doula, a midwife, someone to help coach me through the journey of writing for publication. I need someone to help me focus and work diligently to complete at least one book project. The first one I wish to complete is one that I have worked on for the last three years which is about seventy pages in length. So I will be applying to some mentorships in the new year and until I can figure out how I will finance a $ 40, 000+ MFA program at VCFA without any funding from Canada, the United States, or anyone else, I will try to get some writing mentorship (a much more affordable option for me) somewhere. I am meeting other writers more and more and there are so many who offer their words of wisdom and help me see that you can earn a living at this. I am actually starting to see myself more and more as a writer who can actually make a life out of this. Some of my students have started making books that they illustrate. When they show these stapled paper booklets with pencil-drawn images to me, I am so impressed and honoured and excited. I love it! They are self-publishing. They are trusting me to look at their manuscripts. I am sooo excited. I feel sort of like their mentors. So these changes listed hear still mean that there is still a year of changes awaiting me and with that more growth to come. I look forward to it.

Too Young to Die

I was in a funk today (translation: sad) and set up my playlist of Jamiroquai songs. When "Too Young to Die" came up, I immediately thought of Julie Devenny whose funeral is today. The song is a protest against politicians sending young men and women out to fight in the military to die for their country. This is a perfect analogy for fighting the "war of cancer". Each year, over 7, 000 people are diagnosed with cancer in Canada. The cancer death rates for many age groups have decreased but this is not the case for young adults which have remained the same since the 1970s.

She battled breast cancer for five years. I shared a train ride with Julie and Bonnie from the Young Adult Cancer (YACC) Conference in Ottawa last November. Julie was so vibrant, outgoing, and looked like she had a lot more living to do. She died too early at the age of 30. At the conference, Julie was always laughing and joking around and, me being a bit of an introvert that weekend, was more quiet and withdrawn. Yet during our train ride, I got to chat with her and learn about her. I saw Julie's quieter side. Julie's cancer was stage 4. I remember she said that she first found out she had breast cancer after graduation. When she finished her first bout of cancer and was deemed "in remission", she dived into her career as a physiotherapist. She loved her job and worked hard at it but had to leave it once again when she was rediagnosed with stage 4. Julie did not look sick by any means.

Julie's obituary photo. To read Julie Devenny's obituary, please click here.


Julie on the court playing for the University of Waterloo. Coincidentally, I was a student here too but never met Julie at the time.


Less than a week prior to Julie's passing, Andréanne Arcand, who also attended the YACC Conference passed away. I got to know Andréanne during the conference well because she was in my small group. I was intrigued by her peaceful nature and also her spiritual experience with Peruvian shamans. Andréanne had a form salivary cancer. Although her tumours and surgery scars were visible on her face and arms, she was radiantly beautiful. She was selfless and I remember her saying that she was glad that the suffering she was going through was happening to her and not a family member. I could not imagine what it must be like to be at stage 4. I asked Andréanne what she focused on in life. She told me she focused on spending time with her family and friends and living.

Andréanne Arcand, to read her obituary click here


And just a few short weeks prior to Andréanne, Adam Cardinal, another YACC Conference participant, passed away. I don't remember talking to or interacting with Adam but the only memory I think I have of him is sitting in front on the bench in front of the hotel, alone. Was it Adam Cardinal, I saw sitting there, smoking a cigarette? Did I say hello? I don't remember.

Adam Cardinal, to read his YACC profile click here


When I learned about the news that three survivors passed away, I gradually felt numbness, guilt, and some anxiety and disgust. How could this be? I felt a hurt feeling in my heart. I felt worried. How much time do all of the sick people I know have?

When I found out about Andréanne, I went back through my e-mails. I recall e-mailing her. This is what I wrote:


November 9, 2011Blue Butterfly
It was really a pleasure to meet you. I hope you're sleeping in your own bed tonight and out of the hospital. My hope is that your health is stable.

November 9, 2011Andreanne A
Thank you. Yes I am back home since Monday night and it feels great to be able to sleep in my own bed.
It was great meeting you too!

Is that all I wrote?

I became increasingly aware of how limited the time is for many cancer survivors. I think of all of the sick people I know and I felt guilty. Guilty about the fact that I have actually begun to forget that I had cancer at times. Felt guilty about doing things like planning my wedding, putting a deposit on my gown, and nursing an eye infection. I get to celebrate and get stronger and healthier while others get sicker.

But now (as I write this on Thursday), I realize that all of these experiences, it is all life. Life.

Andréanne's words meant she was focusing on life.

On Saturday, I mourned a bit for Julie at home. I mourned for sick survivors. I also mourned the part of me that obsesses and worries, wasting precious time. So I danced when I heard all of my Jamiroquai tunes and from this dance, I felt my mood lift. There is so much living to do.

I cherish the lives of these three young adult cancer survivors who each touched my life in different ways. They were all too young to die and have not experienced many of life's triumphs like getting married, having children, realizing dreams, buying a home, growing old, and many other dreams. May they continue to live on among those who knew and loved them.

2011 Year in Review

Like Stephanie who writes the 100 Cancer Resolutions blog and unlike every new year since I was about 12 years old, I decided not to write resolutions for 2012. With the Funky Sexy Manifesto and the gazillion to-do lists I create on a daily basis, there were enough things to resolve. Instead, I am going to take a tip from Kris Carr of Crazy Sexy Life and write my own Year in Review. (If you search some of these items, you will find that I blogged about them. All blogged about items are marked with an asterisk *.

My 2011 began with a vision which can be best expressed with this Visioning Board/Collage. I created this board a few days before my surgery to depict how I wanted to go through this cancer journey. I wanted to go through it with strength, resilience, confidence, healthiness, grace, creativity, and tenacity. Whenever I needed a healing inspiration, these images and words were helped me on the way.


January
- took a sick leave from my full-time teaching job to prepare for my surgery
- got sick with a bad cold the week before my surgery so I ended up taking off sooner
- I had surgery to remove my thyroid gland (total thyroidectomy) and 3 parathyroid glands which resulted in a longer hospital stay due to hypocalcemia (low calcium levels) *
- my one remaining parathyroid gland kicked in a few months later and my calcium levels are back to normal *









February
- started attending CANSCAIP (Canadian Society of Children's Authors, Illustrators, and Performers) monthly meetings only two weeks after my surgery (Boy, was I crazy!)
- healing, reading, journaling, and cooking
- where is Thyrogen? *




March
- healing, reading, journaling, cooking, and crying
- where the hell is Thyrogen? *
- getting second and third opinions
- became vegan for Lent and now Vegan 4 Life *



April
- where is the blasted Thyrogen?
- created Blue Butterfly blog *
- began the low iodine diet (LID) to prepare for my radioactive iodine (RAI) while being vegan (Aaaahhhh!!! That's a scream by the way.) *
- I swallowed the pill of RAI administered and I was in radioactive isolation for four days over the Easter weekend *


- went to court to appeal decision on my sick benefits *
- began to reach out and get support from this journey by attending groups, classes, and workshops through Wellspring Cancer Support Centre and other organizations *




May
- attended the Young Adult Cancer Canada Retreat East 2011 in Gros Morne Park, Newfoundland *

- visited Ottawa with my sister
- did my whole body scan *





June
- reintroduced regular exercise in my recovery (Fuck you cancer!) *

- writing articles for Karma Food Co-op Bulletin (I'm writing articles, again!)
- entered the Burrito Bonanza Contest that was organized by Vida Vegan Con Conference and lost *

- wrote my first Vex in the City vegan restaurant review *





July
- visited Montreal with friends *

- visited New York City with my fiance and got to see family and relatives *

- got my whole body scan results which showed no spread (Yay!!!) so I think this means I am technically in remission. I began the journey of survivorship as well as lots of medical follow-up *




August
- organized I CanSurvive Picnic to celebrate the results of my scan, celebrate my birthday, and raise money for Young Adult Cancer Canada (YACC) *

- start of my Funky Sexy Manifesto (Survivor Resolutions) *
- began to get injections for Meaty (my keloid TT scar) to shrink him down and began a series of Meaty posts *

- attended a writing retreat *





September
- moved my sister into her dorm room in Ottawa

- applied to Master of Fine Arts (MFA) in Creative Writing at the University of British Columbia (UBC) *
- after a short return to full-time work (my day job is a teacher) in September, decided to continue part-time for health reasons

- did my first speaking engagement at Satisfying Her Soul *






October
- Voice Therapy *
- begun a course, Writing for Children Part 2
- did my second speaking engagement at the Art for Cancer Foundation Gala *
- raised money for Wellspring by running a 5K of Scotiabank Waterfront Marathon*

- fundraising bake sale for Young Adult Cancer Canada (YACC) Climb *






November
- attend the Young Adult Cancer Canada (YACC) Survivors' Conference in Ottawa, ON *





December
- went to court to challenge traffic ticket and cop did not show up *
- was asked by Thyroid Cancer Canada (TCC) to be their new News Editor and Newsletter Committee Chair. I accepted.

- found out I didn't get into the MFA but will apply to other programs in 2012 *

What a busy year! Lots to look forward to in 2012. Stay tuned...

The Wealth Cure

Is it weird to embrace a book? I want to give Hill Harper and his book a big hug. It is so rare that a book is written straight from the heart and touches my own. I almost didn't read The Wealth Cure: Putting Money In Its Place by Hill Harper this week. With all of the busyness, parties, and celebrations that occur during the holiday season, I was not looking forward to reading a hefty book about financial planning but then I decided to at least read the introduction of The Wealth Cure and I was immediately drawn in. This is not your typical book about money. First of all, in my post Hill Harper: Renaissance Man and Thyroid Cancer Survivor, I announce that Hill discovers the first signs of his illness at the end of the film shoot for For Colored Girls and writing a book about finances. (By the way, I am ready to watch For Colored Girls now. I will watch it over my Winter vacation.) Hill woke up one morning not being able to swallow. He telephoned a trusted doctor to examine his neck. He was sent for an ultrasound and fine needle biopsy. He had three cancerous nodules discovered in his thyroid. Hill Harper was no stranger to cancer-- he was a caregiver for his father who passed away years prior from pancreatic cancer. Cancer also took the lives of his uncle and grandfather. Naturally, he was scared to now have this diagnosis. Being the Renaissance Man he is, Hill used the cancer as an opportunity for growth. In fact, he talks about financial growth as a metaphor for a cancer treatment plan, something he calls The Wealth Cure-- "a return to some fundamental values that have been discarded". The Wealth Cure is divided into five parts:

The Diagnosis
Treatment Options
Compliance: Sticking with a Treatment Plan
Maintaining Your Health and Wealth
Masterminding: Thrive and Survive
Life Account Versus Bank Account

The Wealth Cure describes a journey consisting of The Wealth Factor. The Wealth Factor is a personal list to make oneself "unreasonably happy". The "story" of The Wealth Cure takes place on a train from Los Angeles to Chicago in which Hill in the days leading up to his surgery, he writes his book reflecting on financial management while meeting interesting people along the way. I love books that draw me in through story, not just a series of facts. I also love trains. I have traveled throughout eastern Canada alone on a train and used to travel for free thanks to the fact my father worked for ViaRail, a Canadian passenger train company. Through personal discoveries about his own financial blunders in real estate investments and stock, evolving attitude about money, encounters with new and old friends who reformed their lives along the way, and inspirational quotes, The Wealth Cure for me continues where The Alchemist and The Monk Who Sold His Ferrari left off. Harper applies the basic and important values for existence-- simplify your life, clear your debts, "follow your passion and the money will follow", invest in yourself first and then in some solid financial practices (mutual funds, CDs, emergency funds, retirement savings, etc.) There are a lot of nuggets of wisdom in this book that I will take and put into practice. I realize that I have done some of Hill's suggestions already.

First of all, after completing his degrees from Harvard Law and graduate school, Hill Harper decided to pursue his dream of becoming an actor. With $60, 000 in student debt, he was an "overeducated waiter" at night so he could attend auditions in the day. I admire his vision despite this difficult period. He was given excellent advice from his grandfather to pursue what he loved to do. "Don't pursue law for the money." His Uncle Frank told him, "If you are making any decisions solely based on money, then it is the wrong decision." To receive that advice from an elder is such a golden opportunity. As a result, Hill pursued acting and it has become a very fruitful career, eventually paying him even more than what he would have made as a lawyer. Even as a waiter, he did not do a "half assed" job and strived for his best. He has applied this value to other areas of his life.

Secondly, he wrote about Mastermind circles. When I read that word, I immediately thought "illuminati"/secret society but that is not a complete definition. In fact, I realized that I used and continue to use Mastermind circles during my cancer journey. A Mastermind Circle is a "resource", a "collective brain", "a group of people that gets together to brainstorm or to give support to one another" with a single purpose "to forward the careers and/or business objectives of every member of the group." I have used this approach during my cancer journey through e-mail chains with my relatives, facebook, posts on this blog, connecting with my friends and family, and attending support groups including the Young Adult Cancer Canada Retreat and Conference.

Thirdly , follow your heart is one of my mantras. Although, Hill explains that being at the right place, the place that feels right, the right person, the right decision are not synonymous with "easy". He writes:

The right place is not always the easy place; the right person is not always the person who is easiest to be with; the right decision is not always the one that's easiest to carry out.

Ashe!

The only discrepancy I can find in this book is with what Hill Harper shares about his diagnosis of follicular thyroid cancer. There are some inaccuracies. Follicular represents about 10-20% of thyroid cancer cases. I had papillary which accounts for 75-85% of cases. Follicular and papillary are often grouped together and called "differentiated thyroid cancer". In the section called North Star, he spoke to his doctor about his condition. Here's an abbreviated and slightly edited version of the conversation:

"Hill, we believe you have thyroid cancer. And it looks to be follicular-- the worst kind," the endocrinologist (Endo) said.

"What the hell is follicular, Doc?" [Hill] said as [he] tried to deflect the idea of even having cancer.

"It's the type of cancer you don't want to have," he responded.

The Endo here is in the wrong. I hate ranking cancers but if he is going to, please get things straight. The differentiated thyroid cancers are the more treatable and curable forms. Medullary, anaplastic, and undifferentiated are more difficult to treat, hence "worst" if you wish to go there. On the following page, Hill's friend Tracey who recently lost her husband to cancer says she has "seen worse" after reading the author's medical report. In the final chapter, Forming Your Mastermind Circle, Hill says to his friend Sean, "Thyroid cancer is the best kind to have. It's treatable. I know I'll beat it." I love his optimism however the "ranking of cancers" does not account for the experience of every thy'ca survivor. Thyroid cancer experiences are so individual. Some people have to go through multiple surgeries with severe scarring, vocal chord paralysis, years of recurrences, spread of the cancer to other areas of the body including lymph nodes, salivary glands, lungs, and brain, complications added to other health conditions, depression, repeated radioactive isolation, other cancers, the impact on relationships, and a host of other side effects inlcuding death. Please Hill, don't lump "thyroid cancer as the best". It negates the experience of the thousands of people who experience it each year.

Nevertheless, I am happy to say that Hill Harper's surgery was a success. I would love to interview him one day and I think I will try to send him an e-mail with a review of his book. Hill Harper is a man who seems true to his words, whole-heartened, and sincere. Along with his successes, I hope he finds the kind of love and family that he admits to wanting.

Like Rob Hawke's Kicking Cancer's Ass, it is nice to find a book by a thyroid cancer survivor. (It's so rare!) Go out and buy this book! You'll understand cancer survivors better, experience personal growth, and grow your bank account.

Coming Up Next: Writer With a Day Job: Inspiration & Exercises to Help You Craft a Writing Life Alongside Your Career by Áine Greaney

Ebb and Flow

Ebb & Flow - Storytelling For Cancer Survivors from Hands On Films on Vimeo.

Ebb and Flow is a new short film about surviving cancer as a young adult. Co-directed by Mike Lang, a Hodgkin's Lymphoma survivor who was also featured in Wrong Way to Hope, Ebb and Flow is about the Five Phases of the cancer as story structure. You may recall in my post Stories Lead to Wisdom on July 22, I encouraged you to donate to the making of this film. I am proud to have contributed to this project (my name is in the credits at 13:10). I also see the familiar faces of survivors who I got to know through the YACC retreat, conference, and support groups. One face you may recognize is Christina Caverly who I featured in my post, Jaunt in St. John's. I admire her honesty about her cancer experience as well as her strength and courage. I agree with her that I feel that cancer has made me a better person which is a totally weird thing to say. I think it has given me permission to be vulnerable, establish boundaries, and take care of myself, as well as find a renewed inner strength. I applaud Mike and Bonnie Lang's efforts for sharing these stories. Great job.

Christina and I


Mike Lang

Funky Sexy Manifesto #11 Attend the YACC Survivors' Conference

One of my survivors' resolutions was to attend the Young Adult Cancer Canada (YACC) Survivors' Conference 2011 held in Ottawa, Ontario, Canada this year from November 3rd to 7th. After attending the YACC Retreat Yourself East in Newfoundland this year, I knew immediately how much I wished to attend. The retreat was so healing and such a growth experience for me, I knew how much I wished to attend the conference. I also know a lot of my fellow cancer warriors did as well. Out of the 14 of us who attended the East retreat as participants, 7 of us attended the conference. This number does not include the supporters, staff, and facilitators who were at both the retreat and the conference. It was a YACC Reunion of sorts. Also, I had done some active fundraising for this event. The weekend prior, I organized a vegan bake sale (Funky Sexy Manifesto #36) which raised over $ 200 for the Climb, a 5 kilometre trek up to Parliament Hill. The proceeds help to cover travel costs for young adults all across Canada to attend YACC events.

I must admit that when I arrived I was a bit stressed out of my mind. It was report card time and I felt sleep deprived and a bit "off". (I've been going through a difficult transition and decision making process.) During the conference, I also had some weird stomach issues which I could only chalk up to anxiety and eating too many desserts that weekend. Nevertheless, I am so glad that I attended the conference. The conference consisted of a series of feature presentations, workshops, small group check-in/check-outs, social events, and the Climb. I truly appreciated the very relaxing yoga session which helped me to become more present and mindful in my body. The opening night mixer and the closing night dance were awesome. I was soooooo ready to shake my booty on the dance floor. I requested Work It! by Missy Elliott which was the song I woke up with in my head that morning. (Don't you love the high production value of Missy videos.)


I also appreciated the very inspirational talk by Geoff Eaton, the founder of Young Adult Cancer Canada (formerly known as Real Time Cancer), and his personal experience with recovering from leukemia in 1998 and his relapse a year later. Geoff left me with plenty of wisdom nuggets. He said that 1% is not 0% which were basically the odds he was given for survival. So he beat the odds. Also he said that remission is not healing. The way I take this to mean is since I am technically still in remission, I need to realize that I am still on the healing journey. I believe for thyroid cancer to be called technically "healed" is five years of remission. So Geoff's statement reminds me to be gentle with the demands that I put on my body, schedule, and energy. Lastly, he states that you need to make ample time for living and healing. To read about Geoff's amazing story, click here.

YACC founder Geoff Eaton, man can he dance


I also appreciated the guest speaker and workshop about Brain Fog by Dr. Heather Palmer, a researcher who talked about cognitive strategies to overcome this situation. I did not think I would benefit from her talk because I did not think I was a candidate for brain fog yet when I heard her describe the symptoms, I realized that many reflected my own current experience-- feeling of being in a fog and overwhelmed and difficulty with multitasking.

Here is a copy of my facebook status summary of the four days. I have also included the photos I took. You will notice some food photos. Well, this wouldn't be a healing journey/wellness/food blog without the vegan food that I had in Ottawa over the weekend which ranked pretty good.

Day 1 November 3, 2011
What a morning! Slept in 80 minutes (through my alarm), went all the way down to Union and still missed my train to the YACC Survivor's conference. Have to catch the next one. Came back home for breakfast. 48 views away from 25, 000 on my blog. Sipping my green tea. Really in need of a nap right now.

(By the way, I managed to exchange my ticket for a later train. I narrowly caught that train by 5 minutes due to a subway delay during rush hour. Ugh!)

Yay, my Blue Butterfly blog has had 25, 003 views as of 11:16am and I'm finding out while on a train halfway between Toronto and Ottawa. Isn't (some) technology wonderful.

Conference vegan food



Day 2 November 4, 2011
Day 2 of the YACC Survivor Conference. Feeling less anxious and tired and more invigorated and excited. So much to learn and to share.






Day 3 November 5, 2011
Day 3 and completed the 5km Climb to Parliament Hill. It's nice to be in Ottawa. I've had some amazing conversations and getting more "food" for the journey. Tossed some pennies into the Centennial Flame fountain and made a wish.




Josh and I having a philosophical talk. I met Josh at YACC Retreat Yourself East. He is a lymphoma survivor and was my resident plant-eater who was in my corner.
























Making a wish before throwing my pennies in the Centennial flame and fountain.





The Ottawa Parliament Buildings at night


Day 4 November 6, 2011
Day 4 of YACC Conference. Finally woke up refreshed and went to the pool. Getting connected with other cancer survivors. Feeling synergy and ideas of great things to come. Tonight we dine and boogie.

The Thy'Ca Posse The only person missing was Shali, a YACC staff member, who also survived thyroid cancer. Here, I am pictured with Kourtney from Edmonton. She had medullary, a rare form of thyroid cancer, which is hereditary and traced by a gene. Being my roomie at the conference, I hope I didn't scare her over the four days.


All decked out in our regalia... Nicole, Julie, and I. We first met at Retreat Yourself East in Newfoundland this year. Nicole is a chordoma survivor who is mature beyond her years and genuine. Read her story here.


Can I get in on the Movember (November awareness for cancer's that affect men) action? If I don't wax, my upper lip, do I qualify? TMI (too much information)?


I am so glad that this restaurant allowed for BYODVC (Bring Your Own Damn Vegan Cheese). No, I'll change that D to Daiya cheese. They made the pizza with my own cheese from home, 5 hours away. I walked back to the hotel to get it from the freezer. No way, I'm going to go to Johnny Farina (Italian restaurant) and not eat cheese, even if I have to bring my own.




Julie and I tore up the floor that night. Julie is a breast cancer survivor who was inspired by my blog to start her own called Silverlups: life thru cancer and other hiccups. You can check it out here. I admire Julie for her creativity, genuineness, and fierceness. She walks to the beat of her own drum and is a great advocate for young breast and other cancer survivors in Nova Scotia.




Day 5 November 7, 2011
I left the YACC conference with an increased acceptance for myself and my circumstances as well as a renewed sense of purpose and what I need to do. Had some lovely company travelling with Bonnie and Julie. Back in Toronto. Nice to be in my own bed. Remission is not healing... Need to make time for living AND healing. Sooo much to think about and ponder. I am grateful for my teachers on this journey.

Bye bye, hotel suite.






I realize how much advocacy is needed for young adult cancer issues especially since this age group (15-39) is the only group not to see an increase of survival rates in 40 years. In addition, Although this year's conference had the most delegates, 80 in all, I know that there are thousands of young adults diagnosed with cancer each year in Canada. In addition, I was the only Black person in attendance which indicates to me that a lot of folks still do not know about YACC. I also realize that YACC is still a very young organization and outreach costs money so this is why I have chosen to use my blog as a space to promote and share information with you my readers.

I also realize how beautiful and genuine each of the survivors I met were in their own way. You never met a room full of such REAL people until you come to a YACC event.

Until the next main event. Bless.