Monday, December 5, 2011

Funky Sexy Manifesto #27 Pull the Cancer Card

Okay folks, I never expected to resort to it but I pulled the cancer card. I know, I know... desperate situations call for desperate measures.

According to Kris Carr in Crazy Sexy Cancer Tips (which I review here), in Chapter 5 Go Ahead-- Use the Cancer Card, she writes:

"Though it sucks that you have cancer (and we're very sorry about that), membership to this ever-growing club does come with its perks. Your Cancer Card provides you with oodles of mileage points and has no expiration date. It's an I'm-human card, and like it or not you can't do it all; every now and then you need a treat."

Pulling the Cancer Card makes you "automatically become a VIP, top-priority client".

I need to rest. I have cancer.

Don't dump your garbage on me. I have cancer!

I regret to inform you that due to cancer, I will not be able to attend your party.

I can't come to work today. I have cancer (plus I'll miss Oprah).

I have to cut this conversation short (you toxic blabbermouth), I'm not feeling so hot. (A subtle way of saying The cancer is acting up.)

So this is how I used my Cancer Card. In May 2010, I was driving home from work and descended a hill... I was going about 20 km over the speed limit. I instantly was stopped by a police officer and summoned onto a side street. (And no, he wasn't as cute as the officer in this photo. Mm...hmm...) What could I say? Yes, I know cars tend to accelerate as they go down a hill but there was no excuse. I was caught red-handed.

I wished to challenge the ticket in court and was given a court date sometime around March 2011.

Then along came cancer.

Receiving my diagnosis in November 2010 and surgery January 2011, it seemed that I didn't know that I had missed my court date until the night before my radioactive iodine (RAI) in April 2011 when I read that my license had been suspended for failure to appear. Read about this here.

After four days in RAI, I went to the municipal court offices to explain that I missed my date and the reason I provided was: cancer treatment.

Well technically, I wasn't receiving any treatment other than recovering from surgery and "being hypo" which is basically like intoxicated for a period extending two weeks... I felt exhausted, "out of it", and frankly logistics like going to traffic court was not even on the radar.

But something interesting happened. It seemed that when I said cancer, I was excused immediately and given a new court date. I asked if the administrators and officials wished to see medical documents or any proof of my cancer but they said "no". They didn't even mind. I was impressed that the "cancer card" worked. I felt so elated that I did not let the assh*le who was heckling me in line for "taking too long" to speak to the staff bother me. (Okay maybe, he bothered me a little. At least I didn't leave without "greeting him" with a few "celebratory" words of my own.)

So the postponed court date was yesterday.

I stood in the courtroom, probably the youngest in attendance. There were a lot more men than women and some who reminded me of my dad.

I was the second defendant called to the front and I was going to "plead to a lesser charge" (I have had some practice at traffic court before). However, I don't know the court terminology, the bailiff (?), an assertive woman wearing a hijab (I love it), said that the officer was not in attendance so I was acquitted. I was free to leave. No charge.


A Black man in the courtroom gave me "the nod". I grinned and nodded right back.

I love when the court justice system works.

For another court case of a different matter, click here.

By the way, I'm not endorsing speeding.


Josh Taylor-Dyck said...

I don't know if I would really call this our justice system working. How much money was wasted in legal fees only to have to cop not show up, and how many times does this happen? I odn't get why we bother charging people when the majority of the time the cop doesn't bother to follow through.
Awesome use of the cancer card though. My fave was getting into the TTC for free but I think finagling your way through the justice system takes top marks my dear

Daiva said...

My mom, who is also a cancer survivor, says that it is wrong to pull the cancer card. I disagree. After all the crap we've been through? I forgot to return about 10 audiobooks to the library. They were about a month overdue when I brought them back. They had completely slipped my mind because I was busy doing my daily trips (for 25 days) to the hospital for radiation. By the time I returned them I had fines over $100. The librarian recognized me and knew that I was going through treatments and waived the fines! He said "you're going through enough right now."