Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Inner Punk

I don't know if it was the cancer or the vegan food or this fierce hairstyle but I feel like I'm finally getting in touch with my inner punk. Watch out cancer! I'm going to kick some ass.

(I don't want to dis' the punk community and I realize that it is quite diverse. There are "straight edges", Afropunks, Brit Punks, original skinheads, ska punks, and others. When I think of punk, I think of fierce independence, expressiveness, style, and not taking 'guff from anyone.)

I post these pictures as a testament to a growing acceptance of my look, my scar, my personality, and my body. Through this whole thyroid cancer experience, I have experienced change-- physical (weight gain and my scar), spiritual, emotional, and psychological. I am learning to accept the many facets for what they are-- parts of my journey.

I've never been the popular or the cool kid in elementary and high school. I was always sort of a nerd from the very beginning who walked to the own beat of my drum. I had the glasses, the braces, the acne, and the retainer. For most of my high school years, I didn't shave my legs and stopped relaxing (chemically straightening) my hair, both by choice. It seemed like I was the last one to have a real boyfriend (I was 20!). Yet I was in the band, choir, and student council, wrote for the newspaper, and studied classical piano and jazz saxophone. Even though I wasn't quite scoring in the social department, I threw myself into the academic (and I think it paid off-- 3 degrees. Holla! PhD is down the road... I can almost see it now.) I so identify with those characters on Glee. I used to feel like something was wrong with me since the whole high school thing didn't happen in the formulaic/tv Hollywood way. Now I fully accept myself for who I am and I'm okay with my different-ness. I embrace my uniquenesses and quirks.

My sister's experience with an eating disorder reminded me of how important it is for girls and teenagers to see alternative definitions of beauty and images of diverse women who embrace and love themselves. By diverse, I mean different body heights and shapes, skin colours, abilities, religions, and orientations. Not just the typically all-American pretty girl/super model-types. I was never the skinny girl either. I was put on a diet at the age of eight and was teased for being chubby, too. "However I have realized that within society there is still a major issue that is affecting young women, and that is finding love and satisfaction within themselves. This lack of self-esteem has contributed to the oppression that many of us young women have subjected ourselves to and this has been going on for too long!" Thanks for your inspiring words Tierra. You can learn more about her journey by visiting her website Untouched Beauty.

I'm ready to embrace my curves and step out into this world with these thick black wedge heels, a strong stride, and a badass attitude. I'm ready to lead a full and healthy life.

My friend Denise has found her inner punk too.

The punk hairstyle is all gone but...

I still got that attitude (with less screw face).


Kris H. said...


Blue Butterfly said...

Hey Kris,
What does this mean? I don't speak Japanese. I hope it means something good.