Thursday, July 21, 2011

Cancer Survivor Playlist #2

Cee Lo Green - FUCK YOU (Official Video)

I struggled over whether or not I should play the radio (censored) version or the real version of this song. I decided to go with the real version. (There other one is caused "Forget You". It would have inaccurate.)

Whether you swear or not, I doubt there is not at least one time a cancer patient does not want to say, "Fuck You" to cancer. (I rarely swear but I 've made an allowance in this situation.) Sometimes your only defence against this disease and expression about this experience is to mutter expletives. Fuck you cancer! For causing pain and suffering and death among thousands of people each year. For family friends I lost through cancer, I am angry. I say their names: Hilma "Jenny" Walker, Hubert Hawthorne. For another young adults, who I knew that lost her battle: Emily Bender.

"Forget You" would be inaccurate. I don't want to "forget" cancer. I can't. Meaty and taking thyroid medication are excellent daily reminders. This experience has taught me a lot and reminded me of my mortality. I take fewer things for granted and there is so much I look forward to in life. From the date of my surgery, I got seven months (6 are over, 1 more to go) off of work to focus on healing, my dreams, goals, arts, and reassess my life path. I've seen the love shown and expressed by people around me. I made new friends and found a new community. I finally got to focus on the most important part of my journey-- me.

Ending cancer is like ending a relationship (a bad one). There are things to be thankful for the experience (as I mention above) and important lessons learned but you are also sooo relieved to have it gone. You want to kick it out of your life. You don't want the pain and inconveniences or the anxieties it can cause. However you are excited but also still a little uncertain and nervous about the future, thinking, "Now what?"

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